After a break up you need to learn to be alone to overcome the fear of loneliness
Are you ready to learn to love yourself more and let go of your ex?
What is it that makes a woman date a man who’s obviously wrong for her after a break up?
Being lonely is one of the main reason some newly single women find themselves in bad relationships. They never learn to be alone, so they chase after a new relationship to fill the void left by the break up.
If you’ve just gone through a break up, you’re going to experience feelings of loneliness. It’s natural.
For some women this can lead to idealizing your past relationship. Then, they begin to think that maybe the break up was a mistake and they need to get their ex back.
A break up interrupts the life you were used to and puts an end to the life you dreamed you’d have. Of course you’re going to miss it. Eve if things weren’t so great.
Now that you’re alone and single, there are so many changes, it’s common to miss the familiarity of your ex.
That doesn’t necessarily mean that you want him back. It may very well be that you miss the routine and patterns of your past relationship.
Your break up ended your relationship. It did not sever your emotional connection to your ex. And what is it we seek when we’re lonely?
Emotional connections. Deep emotional bonds.
That’s why if you’re experiencing intense loneliness your mind will gravitate to your former partner. If you have an intense fear of being alone, or are scared of being single this can also intensify your feelings for your ex.
As you learn to be alone, you’ll be learning to rebuild those connections.
Being single and alone does not mean you have to be lonely. Remember there are many types of connections and emotional bonds you can for with people outside of a romantic relationship.
As you learn to love yourself more and heal from your break up, you’ll see a difference in how you feel about your ex and any new relationships in your life.
Some women try to use rebound relationships to combat their loneliness, get back at their ex or try to make him jealous. As you may well know, this rarely works out the way they hope and they usually end up on the losing end.
A fear of being alone can lead you to do may things that are not in your best interest.
Making decisions based on your need to have someone in your life, rarely work in your favor.
But you may wind up dating someone after your break up. You want someone to help you overcome your feelings of loneliness. You want someone to rescue you from your pain and fears. That’s not what you’re going to get.
If you enter into a relationship with your ex or a new man, because of the fear of being alone, that relationship is bound to fail.
Entering a new relationship this may seem like the perfect cure for loneliness , after all most people say to overcome loneliness, makes friends and build new relationships. However, a new romantic relationship is only a temporary patch for a very big hole. Sooner or later it’s not going to work anymore and you still have the same problem.
In order to overcome break up loneliness you need to first heal from your break up. In order to heal from your break up you need to learn to be alone.
It is during your time alone that you’ll learn how to heal and release the emotional baggage that will keep you from having a healthy relationship in the future.
There are five steps you can take to learn to be alone and love yourself more
This steps will prepare you for a new relationship with the right man.
- Accept the relationship is really over
Acceptance is a difficult part of a break up. While you may not want the relationship to be over, you need to accept that it is. As long as you’re holding on, you’ll never be able to accept the fact that you are alone. Your mind will still try to maintain that emotional connection to your ex.
To learn to be alone you need to let go of that connection. You need to accept singlehood as your current status. As long as you’re contacting him or chasing him, you can trick your mind into believing you’re still in a “relationship.”
To learn how to love yourself more you need to love yourself as a single woman, not as part of a couple. This is important even if your intention is to get back together with your ex after you heal.
- Work on Your Emotions
A break up can trigger a myriad of negative emotions. These can range from anger to depression, fear to anxiety. It’s important to experience this feelings in order to let go when you begin to heal.
However, some people tend to let these feelings fester and grow. Negativity becomes a way of life. This is just one more way of staying emotionally connected with your ex.
The sooner you step off this emotional roller coaster, the sooner you can start dealing with your true feelings.
To learn to be alone means learning how to love spending time with yourself. This is difficult for many people because they generally don’t like themselves.
That’s why you need to learn to love yourself more. In time you’ll learn how to hate your ex less and let go of some of the negativity you have towards him. Remember, your negativity has more of an effect on your life than it ever will on his.
- Keep Yourself Active
Break ups disrupt routines. The end of a relationship means a change of habits and patterns of behavior. This can be overwhelming for some people. Especially when what you want to do reminds you of your ex. This can happen when it comes to hobbies, sports and activities you’ve enjoyed in the past.
Well, you don’t necessarily have to do what you used to do as a couple, especially if it’s triggering negative emotions. Think about things you’ve enjoyed in the past. What were your passions before you were in a relationship.
Learning to be alone does not mean becoming a hermit. You’re just learning how to be single again.
The break up bulge some women get from consuming large amounts of Ben and Jerry’s won’t do much for your self confidence. During the first days of your break up, there ‘s nothing wrong with giving into the temptation but don’t use your break up as an excuse. You need to take care of yourself.
To learn how to love yourself you need to rediscover who you are as a single woman. Keeping yourself active will not only help with your self-confidence, it will also help you overcome loneliness as you meet new people and make new friends.
- Spend Time with Friends
Having a support system can help you get through the rough spots in your break up. They can help you with feelings of loneliness and help you feel better about yourself. It’s very important to have people in your life that you can talk to and trust.
In order to learn to love yourself more you need to be able to allow other people into your life. You need to build healthy relationships with people who care about you. You don’t need many people, you just need to have a few people that you have a real connection to.
Remember to learn to be alone and single is the first step towards finding the right relationships. This includes the people who are already in your life. The connections you have with friends and family will help keep you from being lonely.
To avoid feeling alone, it’s better to have one or two really good true friends than to have a few hundred people who will smile in your face while they stab you in the back. It’s better to have one good friend that you can have a face-to-face conversation with than to have thousands of online “friends” on Facebook or Google +.Always go for quality over quantity. Limit your friends, increase your acquaintances.
- Know When to Ask for Help
The hardest thing for some people is to say, “I need help.”
The truth is even with a support system and a group of people who love you, you may not be able to overcome your feelings of loneliness. You might not be able to truly learn how to love yourself. Sometimes there are deeper issues that keep you from healing.
In order to learn to love yourself more, you need to accept that you’re not perfect, no one is. There is no shame in seeking help from others. If you don’t have a support system or you find it difficult to reach out to people you know, seek professional help. This is especially true if you feel as though you want to hurt yourself or someone else.
For some people this may mean seeking guidance and accountability from a coach or spiritual adviser. For others it may be therapy with a counselor, psychologist or psychiatrist. If you feel you need help in order to heal, seek that help out.
Learning to love yourself more, means putting you and your needs first.
After a break up, you need to take care of you. Find the strength to heal, move past your old relationship, let go of your ex and prepare yourself for life as a single woman.
It’s only after you begin to live life as a single woman that you’ll be truly open to the possibilities for love with the right man. That can’t happen if your focus in on just having a warm body.
You need to learn to be alone, and enjoy the time you spend with you.
Remember, being single isn’t a bad thing. It means you have the opportunity to have the life you want. You have the chance to discover what you really want and need in your life, in your relationship, and in the man you choose to date.
By learning to love yourself and working through your loneliness you’re making yourself a stronger woman. A woman who has no reason to fear being alone.
Do you have a fear of being alone? Have you learned how to love yourself more? Leave a comment, telling me where you’re struggling.