Marriage does not come with a manual – if only it did! Men could certainly use a husband guide with step by step instructions – a list of husband tips. It does not help matters at all that men and women have brains that are wired in seemingly opposite ways. (If you ever want proof that God has a sense of humor, just watch a couple try to make a big decision together.) But here is the good news: Your wife does not expect you to be perfect! However, she does expect you to be the best husband you can be. Now, this might sound daunting to you, but a few pointers will go a long way.
First we need to cover the basics:
- Love her.
- Show her you love her.
- Respect her in private and in public.
- Make time for her.
- Apologize when you are wrong.
- Put her above all things except God.
- Go to church with her.
- Listen and talk to her.
- Protect her.
- Do little things for her.
Got that covered, now let’s talk about other things that you can do. I have been married for close to 14 years and have two adorable little boys, so I have some wisdom I can share with you guys. You are not lost, here is where you start…..
- You Are Probably Not Off Track As Much As You Might Think.
You deserve a good ole pat on the back. You have already made some good choices along the way. First, you were innovative enough to find the woman of your dreams, then you were savvy enough to marry her. Second, you made the life-changing choice to marry that woman. Second, you love her (and yourself) enough to find information to make your marriage the best it can be. (There is always room for improvement, no matter what.) Next, all you need to do is make a few small changes and you will see some spectacular changes in your marriage.
- Consider Telling Your Wife That You Are Making Some Changes.
Honesty is always the best policy and in some instances it might be good to come right out and tell your wife that you want to improve your marriage. When you tell her you are taking steps in that direction she might even give you some pointers to help you out. Every wife is different but she might give you specific things you can do to make her happier.
- Begin With Little Things.
Making changes can be difficult and even harder to maintain. That is why you need to aim for no more than one little change each week. If this seems daunting go for every two weeks. You need to make a plan that you will actually stick to. A husband guide is only useful if you follow it.
- Spend At Least 20 Minutes Each Day Giving Her Your Complete Attention.
You may be thinking that is not much, but it may be more than you are doing now. Set aside this block of time after you both arrive home or just before bedtime. It may be difficult to carve out the time at first, but this is one of the most important steps you will ever take in your marriage.
- Make a List of Things You Do That Bother Her.
Now is the time to be honest. You know the things you do that drive her up the wall. Do you always leave the kitchen cabinet doors open? (Some of us girls are short, you know, and those doors have sharp corners.) Do you leave the lid off the toothpaste every day? How are you on remembering your anniversary every year? Could it be that you put your mother before you wife? You cannot fix your issues wif you are not honest.
- Take Charge – You Are the Boss of You!
Get ready to attack that list of annoying things. It is extremely important to write these things down. Draw a line down the middle of a sheet of paper. Now list the behaviors on one side of the paper and the action you will take to fix the issue on the other side. Change one thing each week. This step really goes a long, long way. It is kind of like your own personalized husband guide. This is NOT a difficult thing to do. You are the boss of you and you simply have to decide that your marriage and her happiness is worth the time and energy. It pays off huge in the end, trust me.
- Fix the Big Things.
Some things take more effort to overcome. If there has been some big hurt in your marriage, then seek outside help if it is needed. Real men take charge and fix the problems in their home and marriage. There are many sources of free counseling out there, especially in churches. Let me just insert a note here. Not all counseling is good counseling, even in churches. Be practical about it. If a certain counselor is not right for you, go try another one. Don’t just give up.
- Love Her – and Show It All the Time.
Here’s how to make her truly happy. Don’t just tell her you love her, show her too. Do it in huge ways that shows everyone around you that you love her completely. You want to feel loved, respected, and cherished, right? So does your wife. Engulf her with love in so many ways that she is mesmerized. Think that will not make an impact on her?
How do you accomplish that?
You can pack a picnic and candle and surprise her at work. Simply eat at her desk if necessary. Or you can take it in the break room, that doesn’t matter. Present her with a rose everyday for a week (or month). Leave notes for her everywhere. Leave little gifts for her at work. Pay for a billboard to read «happy anniversary» to her. Put an ad in the local newspaper. Say some wonderful things about her on your Facebook page. Be sure to always show lots of love and respect for her when around all your friends and family. Start with lots of hugs and kisses and be sure to add lots of meaningful compliments. You want to show the world how wonderful she is.
The last step is get to work. Little things make a big impact, so it will not take long start enjoying the benefits of your efforts. The changes will be huge and you will soon want to do more things for her. Too many spouses are only willing to put in their 50 percent of effort into their marriages. If you don’t keep score and just make a committment to put in 100 percent yourself, your wife will probably find your wife starting to put in 100 percent too.
Hope this guide will help start a new phase in your marriage. May your home and marriage be happy and peaceful.