Early Stages of Dating: Compatibility and the Real You Showing Through


The first three phases of interaction can usually be handled quite well by most people, even by those who are only superficially confident. The initial stages include determining who you want to approach, actually approaching them and getting some initial attraction ignited. Most women and men are good at these first three stages because it is pretty easy to throw on a façade of self-confidence, even if you don’t truly feel very confident at all.

It’s the fourth stage where things start getting a bit trickier.

This next stage is where you need to take that mutual attraction a step further, which is where the difficulty sets in.

It is during this stage, which is when you first start dating, that it is basically impossible to continue to cover up your insecurities and maintain that façade you might have put up in the beginning. The real you is bound to start showing through at this point, leading to saying stupid things, making mistakes and not always looking your best at every moment.

It’s at this point where things can change quickly and a lot of people end up getting hurt feelings. Maybe the person you just started dating suddenly stops calling or texting. Maybe you ask them on a second date and get rejected. Or maybe, after you sleep together once, they seem to become a completely different person. This stuff happens, and it’s during this stage of a budding relationship that true personalities will be revealed.

Becoming more sexually confident at this stage of the game happens by positioning yourself in the role of the chooser. This means that you don’t sit around worrying about whether or not she likes you; you spend your time asking yourself if you like what is going on and if this relationship is working for you. If it isn’t, you end it.

Sure, this might sound a bit harsh to some, but if you are among the enlightened dating crowd that knows there is more than one potentially great mate out there for you, then you know there is no reason to waste your time building a relationship that you really don’t find exciting or fulfilling. There is no need to settle for less out of fear that something better might never come along.

Your main goal on first date

Guys who fail in the initial stages of dating do so because they lack an understanding of how dating works and its purpose. You aren’t automatically committed for life after your first date. The whole purpose of dating is to get to know the other person better and determine how compatible the two of you are as a couple. It’s all about feeling each other out as a potential mate, enjoying each other’s company and seeing if the relationship ends up going anywhere.

Also keep in mind that if a woman goes on one date with you, and then stops returning your calls or turns down an invitation for a second date, then that gives you valuable information. That lets you know that the two of you are not compatible as a couple. This doesn’t mean that you aren’t attractive or aren’t desirable. All this means is that the two of you weren’t a good fit for whatever reason. If they happen to recognize that first, so be it, it still keeps you from wasting time and allows you both to move on and continue your search.

This is just one more reason that it is important for you to remember that your goal during this dating stage is not to try to make the woman like you. Your goal is to just be yourself and determine if the two of you are compatible. And you can determine whether or not she is compatible with you by attending to your feelings when you are around her. If it feels like you are hanging out with your best friend, you enjoy her company, you feel supported even when you aren’t at your best and she cares about what matters to you, then you are on the right track.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself when determining your compatibility with a particular woman:

  1. Do you feel pressured to be someone else or act differently when she is around?
  2. Do you feel at ease around her and enjoy her company?
  3. Do you feel good about yourself when you are with her?
  4. Do you feel as good (or better) about yourself when she is not around?

If she asks you to change who you are, or if you feel the need to change to try to get her to like you more, than she isn’t the one for you. A great couple is not made up of identical twins that are exactly alike. You should be able to disagree with each other without liking each other any less. You should also be able to pursue and maintain separate activities and interests right along with the ones that you pursue together.

Always keep in mind that the best indication that you might be a compatible couple is simply whether or not the two of you continue to spend time together and to enjoy that time.

Ask sombody out on date

Asking someone out on a date doesn’t need to be some big, dramatic event. The best way to approach it is to already have an activity in mind and just ask her if she would like to join you. For example, don’t call her up and specifically ask, «Would you like to go out with me again?» Instead, try something along the lines of, «Hey, I’m going to see this great band downtown on Friday. Do you want to come along?»

This way, she knows that you are already going to do whatever the activity is and won’t feel pressure to accept the invitation. Once you have put the invitation out there, allow her to make the next move. There will be no waiting by the phone or repeatedly calling and texting her if you don’t hear from her right away. Also, remember that you really do need to go and do whatever it is you told her you were going to do, even if she turns down the invitation.

If she likes you and wants to spend more time with you, she will find a way to contact you, and nothing will stop her. If she’s not that into you, she will come up with excuses as to why she couldn’t quite get around to calling you back. If this happens, recognize that they really are excuses and that they mean it’s time to move on. You can’t help who you are attracted to and neither can she. So there is no reason to get upset or blame her for not liking you enough. Just move on to explore the many other options that await you.

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